Hello!
I haven’t posted a blog post in quite a long time….
and that’s because my spiritual journey has been kicking my butt! x1000
I went back to Mexico in January, starting my new year painting in a foreign country and meditating in the jungle.
Watching hundreds of tiny white butterflies fly in circles at 9am and afraid at 2am because there’s a tarantula in my room.
There’s something about being alone…
with my thoughts, but feeling entirely whole with nature.
It’s feeling free.
Free like the butterflies.. is what I crave.
Putting your backpack on and leaving your home, alone, is exhilarating. There is something remarkable that happens when you go beyond your fear of being alone and take a flight by yourself, with no one to lean back on.
On top of that, six of my paintings now live in the jungle!
and since January, it’s been non-stop healing.
Healing mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
My healing has been VERY rough for me because all of sudden, BOOOM! my face started breaking out with acne, acne and more acne!
I am starting to believe that maybe I’ve induced further acne to pop up because of my anxiety around a few zits on my face. Or maybe because I tried a bunch of different products on my face at the same time… or it could be my body is just detoxifying from all the trauma hidden deep within my cells.
Whatever it is, it has caused me to fully awaken to how beautiful I actually am.
Yes, I am still figuring out why I’m breaking out, and yes, I do have scars that won’t go away anytime soon…. (and maybe sooner than later if I visualize they’re already gone)
BUT, the scars are a reminder – a reminder for my soul to learn how to Love itself.
Yes, sometimes, I feel so insecure when I look in the mirror, but it’s all about self-talk.
Self-talk to see past my current reality and to a reality I desire.
It’s not about being ungrateful on where you currently are, but knowing you want something different.
So, when I look in the mirror, yes, I see bacteria filled pimples and scars, and my skin not being its healthiest.
But, what if it is at its healthiest? What if purging is the best part? What if there is Light waiting for me? Waiting for me wake up and stop obsessing about what my skin looks like.. what if my awareness is the Light?
& of course this all relates to the concept I am focusing on within my artwork because what I’ve come to realize is I am a Healer.
In order for me to heal anyone or for my paintings to be enjoyed by anyone else, I need to heal myself. From the inside and outside.
and healing from the inside, is F***ING HARD.
Acne is teaching me the important lesson of letting go of anxiety. Acne is healing from the inside.
Without letting go of anxiety and ignoring the obsession I have with how my face looks, I can’t enjoy clear skin.
It’s as simple as that and yet extremely difficult to just... stop thinking.
Anxiety about ANYTHING your mind decides to obsess over doesn’t have to be permanent. You don’t have to ingest anxiety pills for 30 years because believe it or not, that’s the easy way to cure anxiety.
Curing anxiety, is letting it flow within you. Feeling it. Watching it. and then letting it go.
My journey is kicking my butt, however, my journey is allowing me to learn from my thoughts and the power of my mind. So, in the long run, I will have clear beautiful skin.
As a matter of fact, I actually have clear beautiful skin RIGHT NOW.
My journey will flourish within my paintings.
My journey will help me become a successful artist!
because, all I really want in this life, is to share my journey, my growth and my passion.
All the best,
Pamela